I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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