The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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