just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize