I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
