i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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