he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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