When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
