Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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