he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
this is an emotional support booty call
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
