Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
