just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
