Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
