SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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