only if we run a train.
done.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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