Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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