i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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