2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
