NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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