im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
