Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
