those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This baby is an asshole
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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