Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
