i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
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My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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