PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
that's an acceptable place to lick
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
