Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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