dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
