After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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