It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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