The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Randomize
