I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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