Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
