so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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