She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
