some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize