I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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