I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
