Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
