lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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