I heard we made out
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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