ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
