saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
