man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
