I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
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I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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