clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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