Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
