Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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