i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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