Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
