Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
