there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
