i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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