mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You made out with two different species that night
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
