The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
