ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
