there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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