I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
