awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
