i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
