i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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