Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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