I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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