I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
