Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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