stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
