Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
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Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.