Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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