I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just google imaged poop.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
