I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
