I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
