why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
