Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
