i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
