Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
