you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
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No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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