she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
