i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
