Yo dont text me then not text me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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