Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
