smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
