Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
