You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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