So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
